our daughter should be here June 30th 2010.. I still have no gained a single pound. You would think that being 22 wks pregnant and with me craving chocolate and cheeseburgers all the damn time that I would be a fatass by now.. but nope. My skinny jeans still fit me and many people have a hard time believeing I'm even pregnant to begin with. My husband and my entire family and the doctor have lectured me over and over on why I need to gain weight. But Its not my damn fault! I eat as much as I can! anyways, I should be moving AGAIN soon. this time finally with my husband!! He has been gone since January 2009. So its been more than a year without him. And seeing him once ever 3 months..sucks! He will still be deploying in September but atleast I get a few months with him. Even though he will be in training the whole time and I will be completely alone 2 weeks out of the months. Its still nice to see him everyday for a whole week! And it will be nice for our son to finally spend time with his daddy.
Ahhh well life is good... I wont complain for now.
Dont get me wrong, I spend time with my friends every now and then when I go to the club. But the only people I hang out with are Shawn and Darren.
I cant go out much anymore. My father gets all paranoid and he's sick and I feel guilty. So I go out maybe once a week.
And other than leaving the house for about 23 hours a week to work. I spend the entire day here. Alone. I watch tv. I go online. I read. And the only human being I talk to is Nancy every now and then.. and once in a blue moon when Kayce decides to call and talk to me for a minute.
And lately I just sleep. Till 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And lately I cry as well. I'm only 18 years old. I can only imagine how its gonna be when I'm like.. 30. If I live that long. And if this is how lonely and painful its gonna be, than no thanks. Thats way too long to live.
And I txted kc last night- or well- early morning at 3 am. And no reply. So thats it. I suppose all I can do from now is wait until he decides to reply or contact me. Theres nothing left for me to do. I have already done so much. And said everything that needed to be said. And put my heart on the line.. And gotten fucked over yet again.
I have been thinking alot lately. Just packing everything and leaving to Atlanta. To live with my mom. And my little brother. And my aunts and uncles. Even though I wouldnt have any friends over there. And I would be leaving college. And I would also be living in the same house as the person who tried to rape me for over a year.. Atleast I would feel a little less lonely. And atleast I could get away from Kc. And atleast I could get a full time job and earn more money.
I've been eating next to nothing. again. And I've lost another 5 pounds. And everyone at work thinks I'm doing coke and thats why I'm losing weight.
Ha. This is me. trying. and holding on to the last bit of faith i have left.
List five songs that you currently love. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the songs in your blog. Then tag five other Livejournal friends to see what they're listening to." 1. chinese burn- curve 2. Pretty when you cry- VAST 3. Touched- VAST 4. Inmates- The Good Life 5. Manic Street Preachers- 4st 7lbs
yeah i know, weird list. other songs I really love at the moment: majour- glassjaw fixing her hair- ani difranco letter to a john- ani difranco the mixtape- jacks mannequin strange and beautiful- aqualung a song for the broken hearted- a static lullaby lipgloss and letdown- a static lullaby breathe me- sia gone gone gone- john ralston haligh haligh a lie haligh- bright eyes a better son/daughter- rilo kiley